While it’s simple to mock Carrie Bradshaw for her obsession with obscenely expensive shoes that she couldn’t afford, at least she didn’t wear every one of her Manolos. This reality occurred to me recently as I faced the wall of high heels I’d purchased for a number of weddings and other formal occasions, but never really worn for a whole evening because my foot pain threshold is around “baby level.” (If you have never worn a pair of Maryam Nassir Zadeh heels and then promptly destroyed them, I applaud you; did you know that the RealReal oddly refuses to purchase anything that has blood or Band-Aid residue on it?)
I finally came to the conclusion that enough was enough. As a good and faithful best friend, I spend most of my time on my feet, chasing down safety pins, Advil, Xanax, and whatever else the brides in question may need. So why was I spending money I didn’t have on shoes I’d wear for photos, only to change into Crocs right away? I’m crazy for event shoes these days—shoes I can dance to Brat in comfort. No, I didn’t win the bejeweled Simone Rocha x Crocs collaboration, but I’m happy to report that I’m dedicated enough to the Crocs-as-formalwear lifestyle that a Toronto-based designer is presently creating a pair of personalized pearl and shell jibitz just for me.
That’s why I had a lot on my mind when I saw Brooke Shields at the 2024 Tony Awards on Sunday night wearing bright yellow Crocs to go with her Monique Lhuillier gown.
I may not be an objective audience, but Crocs is one of the few companies that have ever sent me free products. The other two are, let’s go, lesbians, Lanz nightgowns and Topo Chico sparkling water.Seeking some advice on whether Shields’s red carpet Croc moment was a serious fashion faux pas or, in fact, a bit of a slay, I turned to my esteemed fashion peers.
Vogue writer Hannah Jackson expressed her opinion, saying, “I feel like…you’d have to do a platform Croc, if you HAVE to.” Her colleague Christian Allaire agreed, saying, “I LOVE Crocs and always will, but they absolutely do not belong with formalwear.” Strict yet entirely just!
Fortunately, lifestyle editor Liam Hess intervened at the ideal moment to offer a partial defense of Croc, writing: “Yeah guys, idk, i think the black Simone Rocha Croc with a dress is perfectly acceptable formalwear.” (Many thanks, Liam!) Hess also defended Christopher Kane Crocs, although he takes issue with the Balenciaga heeled Crocs for dressier settings. (In any case, why would you take away your Crocs’ all-important comfort and stiletto them?) Allaire gave in, saying, “Okay, MAYBE the Simones.” Editor Chloe Malle of Vogue.com had the last say, saying, “Maybe the one exception is pearls on your Crocs.”
While I am thrilled to accessorise my white high-heeled Siren Crocs with personalized pieces, I must reluctantly concur with my fashion peers that Crocs—or, at the very least, the simple, flat ones that Shields wears—just don’t go well with an outfit appropriate for a formal event.
However, it’s evident that Shields doesn’t give a damn if some rando cultural journalist finds fault with her shoes, and there’s a certain allure to that. The power of a very attractive 59-year-old lady turning up to the Tony Awards with shoes she can really walk in is something I can definitely respect, even though I can’t quite get behind the gardening shoe and gown look. Brooke, consider using the Mega Crush platform Croc the next time. (Or even the Simon Miller bubble clog, dare I say?)
